A few weeks ago, I received the "CEO award" for "execution" on a critical deal.
I work for a huge conglomerate and these ones are not dished out so easily. It was a enormous accomplishment.
But you know what, I couldn't bring myself to share it on any social media forum. I just about managed to make my husband tell a friend or two. I couldn’t even muster the confidence to tell my own dear friends. Trust me, it sounds even more stupid in my head than it does to you while reading this !
I cannot explain the hesitation. I count myself amongst those self-assured women who speak their mind when needed. I blog about issues that I am passionate about. But when it came to sharing some well-deserved accolades about my own professional life, I stepped back. There was a reluctance, which I fail to comprehend even within myself.
We want the acknowledgement but we want it without apprising others about our achievements. So basically, we miraculously want people around to know of our feats and then enjoy the fruits of our labor without uttering a word in self-praise.
After a lot of self-prodding, I realized that we (mostly women) have been ingrained with the thought that talking about oneself is cheap. It is classified as bragging.
In fact I happened to mindlessly type “self promotion” in a google search and guess what popped up:
What more do I have to say? the unconscious bias is glaring you in the face right there ! And don’t miss the “SHE” in the sentence.
It is bias such as this that somewhere holds us back.
A week later, I was chatting with a male colleague (from another business within the same conglomerate) and he happened to mention that he had received a CEO award. Hearing that, I immediately congratulated him and further added that I had won a similar award in my business.
To my bewilderment I heard SILENCE. The reciprocal congratulatory greeting never came. I don’t know if it was intentional or a genuine miss but that silence felt awkward. So I eventually filled the pregnant pause by saying “congratulations to us both”. Great going !
This made me wonder if acknowledging success of women, for men is equally tough across the globe or is it more rampant in India. Somehow, my experience has been limited to India in this case.
It would be remiss of me to not mention that there have been some men in my professional career that have mentored me and helped shape my journey right from the time I was in law school up until now, be it in India or other countries. So it is not like I haven’t experienced the other side of the spectrum. I indeed have. Unfortunately, I have still had significant amount of encounters with the questionable kind too and thus my predicament.
In fact I had written about a preposterous experience I had a while ago:
A few days later, I then attended a workshop #iamremarkable (a google initiative) that gave me an AHA moment - "if it’s based on facts - it’s not bragging". Of course, there are other facets like tone, tenor and context. But by and large, don't hesitate to talk about yourself. People won’t know if we don't tell them. You are the best placed to talk about yourself. Our accomplishments do not speak for themselves.
So I spoke about this incident in my safe space and received a lot of encouragement. It was so reassuring to be around a group of women all geared to uplift each other. This sisterhood, despite meeting them for the first time was heartening.
It is one of those things that will take us a long way. Uplift one and you will find three others who will back you.
So finally, I gathered the courage to share my professional triumph on Linkedin. May sound like a minor step to some, but it was a big deal.
If you are one like me, spill it out, you are worth it ! Everything you have achieved is well deserved.
Let’s not allow self-doubt fester in our minds.
Let’s not allow inability of another’s magnanimity, to diminish our accomplishments
Don’t get trapped in the vicious circle of self-doubt.
Reframe your perspective.
Step into the light !
I am work-in progress too. A while ago I wrote an entire piece about self-doubt, yet I found myself caught in that same web again. I guess it is a continuous process of improvement. An attempt to live life consciously and to the fullest. As long as each day you endeavor to try harder, someday, you and I will perfect the art of being able to promote ourselves unabashedly.